Thoughts.....Fading away

dew wets the freshly awoken leaves and the air around fills with melodious chirpings. sun's crimson knocks on my window, letting me know its dawn...thats when i realize i have been up all night. with the battle between impending sleep and insomnia still continuing, i try to focus back on my thoughts...the thoughts that have kept me up all night...the thoughts that have troubled me quite often lately. but it becomes difficult to concentrate now...probably dwelling on something continously over a period of time slakes one's ability to think.....then very slowly, sleep starts to creep in, bringing along with it a tranquility that is way too overwhelming....i feel the subdued insomnia finally give in.... the eye-lids now no longer amenable to being kept open droop down with a silent thud. i let my body relax and adjust the cushion below my head......but wait....what about those thoughts...what about that turmoil.....a few more minutes of contemplation....of digging deeper.....of thinking them over just one last time....of ending the turmoil once for all......
naaahhhh.......who cares...theres always the next night......

Morning Thoughts

I have just gotten up from a deep slumber, and while still lying on the bed, these thoughts flashed through my mind....
I was chatting with one of my friends the other day and she told me this....
"you only realize the importance of certain things in your life after you lose them"
well in certain cases, its just the opposite. Like, i was so used to getting up every morning to something which at that time i felt was really important in my life. It's been a month now that i have been getting up without it and although i still feel the occasional pangs of it not being there anymore, i realized today that i had attached undue importance to it in my life.
Well now i gotta rush to office, but more on this when i come back.

Stupid things men do

It was 5.30 in the morning. He tried to search for his phone on the bed, so that he could stop the "departed" soundtrack screeching out as his alarm. He looked out through his room's window, it was drizzling.He thought for a moment to chuck the plan of going to station, but then he had to be there to recieve her. The train wasnt expected till 8, but the bus leaving for staion left at 6 and if he missed that, he would not get another one till 8. He put on a T-shirt and kept an ironed shirt in the bag, into which he could change once he reached the station. Afterall, how would she hug him if he was bedraggled!No umbrella you see. The bus would have taken him till the station, but he got off a good 2-3 km before, there were no flower shops near the station.

He had been planning this for days. He would pick her up from the station, they would go for a breakfst buffet at the town's most upbeat restaurant, catch a movie or go shopping. In effect, just spend some time alone with each other before they met their other friends. They were meeting after 2 months afterall.

Flowers bought, he started walking towards the staion. He couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face. If just the thought of meeting her made him so happy, what would happen when he actually did. He was already drenched from head to toe and was wondering if the restaurant would allow him to enter even after he changed into the shirt. By the time he walked upto the staion, it was already 7.30. He decided to call her up. She had asked him to wake her up half an hour before the train reached the station.It took two calls to do so. And what she told him, made him realize how very stupid he had been.

The train which was supposed to leave the starting station at around 10 p.m had not done so till 4 a.m.Why hadnt he called the railway enquiry before leaving. Why. Indian railways wasn't famous for no reasons! The excitement of meeting her had clouded his sensibilities.But then when had he been sensible ever in his life.

Ironies of life you see.

Dreams on Fire....Slumdog Millionnaire

"You are my waking dream,You are all thats real to me
You are the magic in the world i see
You are the prayer i sing,You brought me to my knees
You are the faith that makes me believe

Dreams on fire, Higher and Higer
Passions burning, right on the pyre
Once for,Forever yours
In me, all your heart

Dreams on fire, Higher and Higer

You are my ocean waves,You are my thoughts each day
You are the laughter from childhood games
You are the spark of dawn, You are where i belong
You are the ache i feel in every song."

Am simply in love with this song. Have been listening to it on a trot for the past 8 hours.

Book Review

Books read in the last 7 days
1. Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
2. The Witch of Portebello by P. Coehlo
3. If God was a Banker by Ravi Subramaniam
4. Ofcourse I love you.....till i find someone else by Durjoy Dutta
5. Married but Avaialable by Abhijit Bhaduri
6. The Bancroft Strategy by Robert Ludlum
They are pretty much in the order i read them, and yes it was one after another....continuously. It was probably one of my longest reading sprees till now....you might be wondering just 6 books in a week and he’s calling it a reading spree...well my voraciousness for reading is a recent one. Not that i did not read earlier...a book or two a month was all i managed. So getting through with 6 books in a week is quite a feat for me.
I don’t think this post is exactly a book review. Another off late development, am not able to come up with apt titles for my post. This article has got more to do with helping me end my current ennui (am sitting in a train, travelling from Mumbai from Pune...after an exhausting but eventful day...a start i do want to write about, but prob. another time)

So let’s just begin by saying that all the books were of completely different genres, .....
This ain’t getting nowhere (nigger english you see)....I want to write but the ambience isn’t quite what i wanted it to be ...so am just going to sign off here itself and probably finish this off later.

That’s it from me....it’s still more than an hour to go before i reach home and am hoping my lappy battery lasts thru it....songs you see...no ipod yet!!(another of those things i plan on buying once i start saving money...)

Surrender

Why? Why me? What did i do to deserve this? Why was i singaled out for this fate? How could this be happening to me?A lot of times in our life we are faced with such questions. Everytime fate sends us tumbling down a path we did not expect would come our way, we begin to question it. We begin to go into disbelief. We enter a mode of denail where statements like "this could not be happening to me" or " i did not deserve such a treatment," crowd the mind, blocking any sensible thought from entering it. Everytime we get hurt, by something or someone, we ask these questions. To whom?? To God (or any other power thereof), to fate, or simply to ourselves?And do we get any answers?

At times like these,we simply need to surrender, to let go, to accept things the way they stand. And trust me, it helps.
Iam not someone who believed in this. But then how long do you hold onto such questions? because there are no answers.
This was supposed to happen and could not have happened in any other way. Sounds highly cliched, but then most true things do.
There is no one to be blamed.Not even one's self.

And the moment you surrender, these questions disappear. Atleast they did for me. There's this tranquality which begins to set in and ummmm.... well you start getting sensible again. (which i hope am sounding!!).


I read a line once in a book "If fate doesnt make you laugh, then you just dont get the joke." Laugh it out dude. Thats all it deserves.

Serendipities: The Dirty Facets of the Indian Democracy

Serendipities: The Dirty Facets of the Indian Democracy

Bhagwat Geeta rewritten (or rather re recited) for IT Professionals

Simply hillarious. I specially like the part where it talks about the never ending nature of error. Its like "Error is Forever". And also the footer askin everyone to Hurry Home at 5.30.

I have been what we call "benching" for the past 3 months and it was kindoff getting frustrating. But reading this new "An IT Professionals Bhagwat Geeta", i seem to have calmed down and have no qualms about sitting on bench anymore. :-p.

Life's losings its direction

I have just woken up from a deep slumber and am sitting in my gallery sipping a hot mug of coffee(which btw has not brewed the way i intended it to) and taking in the fresh morning air. Sipping the coffee, i cant stop wondering that even my life hasn't brewed the way i wanted it to. It just seems to be going nowhere. My job sucks, am away from the people close to me and i seem to have no idea what i want to do in future. And there's this sense of urgency that if i don't correct this right now, am going to be dissatisfied with life throughout. The search for that elusive thing, whose mere occurrence brings along with it a sense of pleasure still continues. Am still looking for something which i enjoy doing, something which am good at. I see people around me who are happy with the kind of mediocrity life has to offer and i wonder if ultimately even i will become one of them.I very strongly believe that we live just once and its very important to make this once worthwhile. Am not worried about the survival part, my parents have given me strong enough educational foothold that i can live my life very comfortably. What am worried about is being lost in this very crowd of people who want nothing more from life than a well paying job, a caring wife and loving children.

I understand that a lot of hard work goes into becoming someone, someone who stands away from the crowd. And am not averse to working hard. In fact it's something which i pine for. All i want is a definite direction (an understanding of which has to come from within). Everyday is a struggle to find that direction and i just hope this struggle ends before i lose my hunger.

Untitled (i cant think of a title for this post)

Bombay Rains, Bombay Girls
A book by Anirban Bose

Well i just finished reading this book (the first book i have read in one sitting..... i just could not put it down).It was labeled as a Medical College's version of Five Point Someone, which i very strongly beg to differ.I found it way better.

Anyways, i didn't intend to write about the book. The reason i decided to write this blog (at 5.30 in the morning), was that while reading the book, a deluge of emotions rushed through me.I was taken back to my college days (an engg. college btw) and kind off relived all the ups and downs i went through during those 4 years.I made friends, very good friends.....lost some....made friends with the lost one's again eventually losing them yet again. Its been for quite a while now that i have been fighting the urge to let these emotions out, always reassuring myself that it would do no good.

But i guess am done now.I have seen so many different shades of friendships that sometimes it makes me doubt my own credentials(for want of some other more apt word) as a good friend.

Have i been the kind of friend i expect my friends to be? Have i been true to them, and true to myself? And the answer is yes.I would not say that i have not hurt people, some very close to me, by my actions, but then that has never been the intent of the same. I find it extremely hard to give explanations to people who matter to me because i assume they are the ones who know me best and if i still have to give them explanations about my actions, whats the point of them being close.

I know am simply rambling, but its kinda tough to stop it.I have been hated, loathed, abhorred for the things i haven't even done or even ever thought of doing.

But then this is what life is i guess.At the end of it all, i still have a few very close people, whom i cherish to the utmost, who love me unconditionally, despite all my pitfalls and who ,i know ,shall always stand by my side. I just hope i can give back to them all this and even more.