I want to be that kid again. The kid for whom laughter and smiling meant the same. Whose laugh and smile both reflected in his eyes. Now my laugh dies at my lips. And I don’t remember the last time I smiled.
I want to be that kid again. The kid who slept during the night, dreaming of the possibilities of the next day. Who looked forward getting up every morning to something new. Now I lie awake during nights, not waiting for the dawn to break, but for the night to end.
I want to be that kid again. I want to run, to laugh, to smile, to be happy again. I want to dream again. To look forward to something again. I want to live again.
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5 comments:
we all wanna be our past selves. and yet ...
Hi, I am not sure if you are the same person who I studied with as a kid in school.
I was just searching for some poems on google blog search and came across your page. So thought it might not hurt to drop by.
And I would say that that feeling is universal. ::sigh:: I am probably still that kid in a LOT of things, but I would definitely want to restart a lot other things.
Life is onionesque.
If one says would you ever work out the ultimate laws of nature? Of happiness or of love? I think I don't know, maybe or maybe not. I can't say. I would just work on what I have. And if working on these things leads me to some ultimate law, then I'd be happy. But I have no problem if that "ONION" that I am peeling has infinite layers, with no "ultimate truth" that I seem to be approaching.
Same goes for happiness. We spend our lives in pursuit of happiness. Oh I'd be really happy i I get that or do that. But actually life is all about pursuit. About peeling that Onion thinking that there is some promised land at the end of it all. Might be or might not be.
We can't have a prior on what we intend to do before hand, all we can do is look at what we have. Not knowing the big answers somehow does not frighten me. And sometimes I find solace in Camus. ;-)
From a cold and rational POV, life is transient and ephemeral, enjoy what it has on offer. Things can never be the same between two points in life (as an example: A person in a relationship might turn out to be somebody totally different in some years). Though it is natural to feel the way we do. But it is pointless.
Forgive quickly, love unconditionally and be true to your heart, especially about your giving abilities. If one is true to himself, even though it can not alleviate that feeling of hurt completely, it will still give you that feeling of inner peace. Something that we all strive for.
@nikhil: i don't want to go back to my past...i just want tht kind of innocence, that purity of thought back.
@shubhendu : heyy...yes iam the same kid u went to school with and thanks a lot for dropping by.
really liked the way u put forth your thoughts. but just one thing...to quote u
" But actually life is all about pursuit. About peeling that Onion thinking that there is some promised land at the end of it all. Might be or might not be."
with every layer you peel,comes a fresh set of tears..and after some time you just begin to wonder wether the search for that promised land is worth all the tears...
it is a rather pessimistic view and probably its got much more to do with the kind of frame of mind iam in right now, but still it's got some degree of truth to it.
Calvin and Hobbes FTW :D
Ah, I did wonder for a second, but the profile photo isn't clear enough. I put a BIG photo of mine on my blog. LOL.
Exactly my point. There's a difference between peeling and crushing.The point is peeling the onion and enjoying just doing that, not crushing them and cringing. The harder you crush each layer, the more it would hurt.
Every thing is transient. Almost everything is absurd. Letting go is one thing that we should all at least aspire for, and trust me being true to your own self would always make letting go easier. I am not trying to sound detached. We like certainty, but almost everything is absurd. A lot of things sound cute in theory but the reality can indeed be barbaric. But what else can we hope for than trying? And just loving it that we are trying! After all we can only be sure of what we can give and do, a lot of things are beyond our control. The harder we try to hold on, the more difficult things become.
"Remember that the path from ignorance to knowledge in any subject is not straight and true, but is almost always rather zigzagged. One seems to learn things by a method of successive approximations to the truth"
- William Massey.
"Existential foreboding leads you no where but hell. If you are imperfect, be prepared to face it and be proud of it. Ofcourse try to do your best to overcome the shortcomings." - Shubhendu ;-)
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